Beautypreneur Ph | Much Ado About Wellness (Part 1): On Choosing A Positive Mindset, Self-Acceptance, And Loving Your Own Company | Tatler Asia – Surprisingly, the cacophony of opinions darting from left, right and centre in this lively lunch forum on Wellness settled down to an agreement: that Wellness involves focusing on yourself to find your way to happiness. But this is where paths digressed. For while the ten dynamic panellists generously shared how they achieved Wellness, they likewise drew a list so varied it ran the gamut of emotional, mental and physical needs.

Organised by Tatler Philippines and hosted by Beautypreneur Nikki Tang, CEO of beauty and wellness brands DMark Beauty and DermAsia, the forum gathered ladies and gentlemen who are confident in their own skin and who know exactly what’s good and what’s not for their individual selves.

The panellists came from all walks of life. Stephanie Zubiri has a podcast and writes a regular column, both titled Soulful Feast. Franco Laurel is an actor and Ida Paras Cruz is the co-founder of The Movement Studio. Sharyn Wong is the country general manager of The Estèe Lauder Companies, Inc while Michelle Pastelero leads the educational transformation initiatives for Microsoft Philippines. Fit-as-a-fiddle Joanna Preysler-Francisco is a fashion and art entrepreneur; Monique Madsen is a style and fashion brand consultant; and Ram Lopez Vito Bucoy is an interior designer.

Representing Tatler were Deputy Editorial Director Isabel Francisco and Managing Editor Chit Lijauco.

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The delicious light lunch prepared by Shangri-La at the Fort whetted not only the panellists’ appetite but their openness to share as well. For what ensued was an exchange so vibrant with nary a space for a single pregnant pause nor an uncomfortable lull, yielding loads of useful information about Wellness.  

Let us bring you back to the conversation.

NIKKI TANG: Welcome, everybody! I am glad to host this Wellness Forum so we can have a sharing of anything and everything new in looking good and feeling good.

ISABEL FRANCISCO: Wellness is a topic that we all believe in. To start things up, we can ask Steph! Can you tell us how Wellness is now such a big part of your life?

STEPHANIE ZUBIRI: Wellness has always been a big deal in my life because I was always in food. Food is so powerful. It’s one of the few things that really nourishes the body and gives pleasure; but it also has so much power to heal.

My big pivotal point was when I left my marriage. I reached such a low point, enough to entertain suicidal thoughts. I really just had to take control of my life because I had to be there for my kids. I started with some psychology work, which I really recommend.

My brand Soulful Feast says nourish your body, mind and spirit. A lot of people leave the mind behind. They just work on their body. They work on energetic healing. They work on fitness; but a big part of healing is understanding yourself and not being afraid to look at yourself in the mirror and think of all the dirty stuff and then unpack it all and then release it.

RAM LOPEZ-VITO BUCOY: For the past 18 years, I was practicing corporate pr. But seven years ago, I realised I wasn’t really happy and began asking myself: Is this really the calling for me? When I decided to do my transition [to interior design], my family was not really supportive. I also broke up with a close friend, which really crushed me to pieces.

But I took that leap of faith. I didn’t listen to anyone. I said this is for my personal journey, and healing. I just had to get out of my old life. And when I got out of it, I was pretty much better than where I was before. All I did was just really practice a lot of healthy habits. And I injected a lot of prayer, ‘cuz I really believe in prayer. Fast forward to seven years today, I’m so much happy. People see the glow in me; they say I look lighter. I don’t have all those negative energies surrounding me.

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CHIT LIJAUCO: Are you saying that Happiness is Wellness?

LOPEZ-VITO BUCOY & OTHERS: Yeah!

ZUBIRI: It’s just being happy with yourself!

JOANNA PREYSLER-FRANCISCO: I start every day by saying, “Today is going to be a happy day!” I say that to myself and to my husband, I text it to my children. It’s not a denial of whatever extraneous circumstances may happen nor of life’s curved balls. It’s a mindset acknowledging that happiness is an inside job, a decision.

This is totally personal. I don’t want to change what anybody does or chooses to believe; but at my age of 54 and a half, I don’t over label or over analyse my feelings or what I’ve been through in life.

I believe that Wellness is if you’re able to be happy with yourself, and when you’re able to be happy for others when they win. That’s wellness. You can’t be well if you’re not happy for others.

ZUBIRI: Absolutely!

PREYSLER-FRANCISCO: And there’s no Botox for the soul, by the way. Also, you can’t start your wellness journey like you’re starting boxing and all of a sudden, you’re Manny Pacquiao. No! It’s a step-by-step journey a day-to-day decision.

The impetus for my journey to wellness was when I got very sick at 46 years; and I’m talking knocking-on-death’s-door kind of sick. I knew that I had to make decisions then on my hospital bed that would impact the rest of my life. I wanted to live and have fun and be adventurous and be good for my kids. I wanted to see my children’s children.

IDA PARAS CRUZ: I’ve been in the fitness industry for eight years. Before that, my life was pretty boring compared to yours. I was already in my thirties when I first experienced real stress. That’s when my employees started leaving. I felt really bad because I tend to get attached. I suffer from separation anxiety and that kind of killed me.

Then I discovered the author, Jordan Peterson. He’s all about accepting that life is not all about happiness. You have to accept that life can be difficult. No matter how colourful or normal life is, eventually you will experience something dark, something that’ll make you struggle. So, I started doing my own introspection, accepting that life is hard and stressful. And this made me happier. I just think that every time I go through a struggle or a hard hurdle, it’s just like working out where you say after every hard exercise, “Hey, I did it!”. And it makes me happy.

Every time you reach a milestone with your body, like squatting or deadlifting something you never thought you could lift, that’s already a win. You feel like nothing can bring you down. Like you feel that you can tell someone, “Hey! Are you gonna treat me badly? I just lifted 100 kilos! What did you do today?”

I get my positivity from my being a fitness trainer. I never knew owning a business can be so freaking stressful. But, if I can make every single person come out of the gym or studio feeling strong and believing that he or she just did something great, and feeling so much more confident ─ that gives me so much purpose in what I’m doing.

PARAS CRUZ: Before I began training my friends, I first took personal training seriously. It had always been about aesthetics, looking sexy. Which is also good. And then Michelle got married and gave birth. And she told me, ‘I want to start strength training because I want my life to get longer.’ That was seven years ago when I realised I have not thought of fitness that way.  

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LIJAUCO: Michelle was the picture of stress earlier.

MICHELLE PASTELERO: Oh yes. At eight this morning I had a contract negotiation with a government agency. Then, I had to rush home to breastfeed my son, put on makeup, fix my hair and then come here. I knew that today was gonna be a big busy day.

So, I chose to approach today differently than how I would have done before. Before I was all about passion; but I discovered stoicism, which talks about how you shouldn’t be passionate but rather be disciplined. Discipline is boring, right? But at the end of the day, when you want to live longer, to be more rested and not get burned out, it’s not about passion.

So, I was in traffic coming here and I started to worry about being late for everything. Then, I remembered Ida’s breathwork, the exercise of breathing in with your left nostril and breathing out with the right, which is supposed to relax you. I did that while in traffic and instead of getting stressed and overwhelmed by anxiety, the breathwork calmed me down. I was able to do everything and actually get here in one piece.

FRANCO LAUREL: Back in the Eighties I was a competitive swimmer, but stopped in 1990 when I got into college. Yet today, swimming still helps me a lot and it remains my form of exercise. My quiet time is when I swim. That’s when I reflect, pray, think about what I’m going to be doing. But to echo what everybody’s been saying…I do that because I want to live longer, enjoy my children and see my grandchildren.

But I believe in what everybody said that Wellness is a mindset. The key word for me is Acceptance. If you’re not feeling well, accept it! You’re going through something, accept it. And when you accept it, then you address it accordingly. Accept that you’re happy. Accept that it’s a good day at work, or accept that is a very stressful day. My wellness is in this key word I use: Acceptance.

It was my therapist, who told me all about acceptance. I recognised I was suffering from mental health issues so I sought help.  

When I learnt to accept, it made me more aware of how I’m affecting people based on what has happened to me. My journey to wellness is through mental health. I believe that wellness is really being truthful to myself, and also about seeking help. I am an advocate of seeking help. If you need to talk to someone, please do.

ZUBIRI: Oh my God. My therapist is making so much money on me. But I love her so much!

LAUREL: My mental health wellness goes hand in hand with my physical wellness because it made me go back to swimming. I also stopped colouring my hair and when I did, more roles landed on my lap, roles apt for my age.

LAUREL: I wanted to save my family. I come from a broken family. I saw how that affected me and my siblings, with my mom and my dad splitting up. I didn’t know that it would affect me. I said, I want to be a better husband and a better father to my children because I don’t want them to experience what I experienced. And with the grace of God and the love of my family, I’m here today.

FRANCISCO: A part of that process of Wellness is also looking good. You put a little makeup on or wear your favourite dress. And you feel totally different. So, Wellness extends to glam and makeup.

SHARYN WONG: Sometimes people think that you are dressing up for somebody. But you dress for yourself! You look good, you’re presentable. And you feel happier. You know by wearing a beautiful dress and people commenting about it, it feels good.

PREYSLER-FRANCISCO: It’s self-respect! My hygiene, my beauty, my fitness, everything, all the dimensions that have to do with wellness, I believe go hand in hand. Skincare, mental health, exercise? It’s all Wellness!

MADSEN: Because my background is beauty and skin, beauty and fashion, sometimes I feel like this gets translated to being superficial. People will tell me to not overdress for a casual occasion but I dress up as a way of me taking care of myself. So, I always tell my friends, ‘If you see me in sweats, when I am not brushing my hair, be worried. I must really be depressed!’

PREYSLER-FRANCISCO: Even when I am in sweats, I put on makeup.

MADSEN: But it’s also your lifestyle, Joanne. And you look good in your sweats because you’re active; but not me. My first job was working with beauty brands. And it’s not about selling a product but rather a lifestyle, not just selling the bottle but showing women how to put a value in looking good.

A lot of the things I do may seem to not translate to wellness, but they do. Like waking up early and enjoying slow mornings. From 5am to 10am is for me. I like walking my dog, have coffee. That’s me spending time with myself.

ZUBIRI: I think like all of these rituals ─beauty, exercise─ these are wonderful, like easy access to feeling better. But without this sort of self-reflection, without the why, being able to sit and think about why am I doing what I’m doing? Why am I who I am? I really believe in quiet time. I believe that people should be able to date themselves. Like go out and have lunch by yourself, go on a retreat by yourself.

FRANCISCO: You have to like your own company!

LAUREL: Learning to love yourself is the greatest gift you can give to yourself.

Read more: Much Ado About Wellness (Part 2)